[engaged in the d] Bride on Bride – Part Two

Bride on Bride: Patriarchy, Bride Culture, and Space to Be Queer
Part Two

Engaged in the D blog post by Katherine [Read Part One]

…So we had to find other ways to plan our wedding, ways that didn’t require us to designate one partner as the bride and the other as secondary. We had to try to figure out how to play to our individual strengths while supporting each other and checking in with each other. Because we both identify as “brides” and neither of us feels like a “groom”, this might have been easier for us than for some straight couples. I’m not actually sure. Like I said, I’ve never gotten married before.

We’ve been taking on individual tasks where we can, doing a lot together, and trying to be honest about what we are capable of. I’ve heard it said that nothing will test the staying power of your relationship quite like planning a wedding, and that might be true. I’ll be honest – it isn’t all lovey-dovey. We’ve certainly had our share of disagreements. We try to remember that our wedding, like our marriage, isn’t something one person is doing and the other is going along with. It’s something we are doing together. It should reflect that.

That doesn’t mean that we both have to do every single thing. For example, Chelsea gets kind of freaked out by numbers, and I get kind of freaked out by making phone calls. One of our first agreements about the wedding was that she is in charge of calling people, and I’m in charge of drawing up the budget. Sometimes I’m a bit more planning-oriented than she is, which means that often times I’ve been the one bringing ideas to the table, and then we make decisions together. But it’s not exclusively like that, and I don’t make decisions about the wedding without her, or vice versa. I won’t sign up for any site that offers me a “community of other brides” and asks me to list us as “Katherine” first and “and her partner Chelsea” second. It may seem like a little thing, but language matters.

• •

It feels particularly important because we are trying to do this whole getting married thing as ethically as possible. One of our biggest values as a couple is being in an egalitarian partnership, and one of the best things about our particular egalitarian partnership (we’ve both said this, at various points) is that we help to push each other to live according to our values. So when we discussed the possibility of hiring a caterer, we needed to talk to each other about what our ethical requirements would be for that (local business? locally sourced ingredients? plant-based foods? where is it ok to compromise and where is compromise off the table?) and how that would play out before we could look into any specific options. We aren’t either of us perfect, and our wedding won’t be perfect either.

But for it to be the best that it can be, we need to be doing it together.

 • •

Readers: Are you and your fiancé/e splitting up the wedding planning tasks? If so, how?

How to cleverly plan a Detroit wedding (Interview with Lynn Jovick)

Lynn Jovick is the Designer and Owner of Clever Bumblebee Creations. She is also on the board of directors for the Scarab Club, which was Mahima and Shane’s wedding venue in Detroit! I was thrilled to connect with Lynn through Mahima and Shane.

Lynn has a wealth of knowledge and experience planning weddings in Detroit, and we sat down to chat about weddings in Detroit! I love hearing people express how they became passionate about their “work.” It was amazing to see Lynn’s face light up when talking about the details of wedding design as we excitedly shared our love for all things wedding-related over coffee! I am also grateful for her ideas and advice for LoveintheD.

Check out the interview and photos (all taken by Lynn, except the first one, which was taken by a wedding guest)!

Scarab Club outside ceremony

What inspired you to get into the wedding/event business and how long have you been doing it?
I’ve been fully involved in the wedding planning and production industry for the past seven years. Being an interior designer in the years prior, clients would always ask me for my opinion on event and party design. Then I decided to take a floral design class and I was hooked! I loved working with the color and texture of flowers and it all came very naturally to me. My customer service background only complemented that talent if you can say that. And I love, love, love to see the outcome and final project unveiling, if you will. It’s like a work of art to me.

What is your favorite thing about wedding planning?
My favorite part of the wedding planning process is first, the consultation – brainstorming with the client about their special event, and coming up with a plan. And second, seeing it all come together and the look on the brides face when she sees her bouquet!

Cleverbumblebee photogrid

What is your biggest lesson learned about wedding planning?

I am not sure if this is a lesson, but something I feel strongly about. A budget is a budget, and any budget can be achieved honestly. You don’t have to oversell to a client to make their dream a reality, although a little convincing and a lot of experience with ideas is always a plus.

What do you love most about weddings in Detroit?
Having a wedding in Detroit proper opens so many doors to options: unique places, historic landmarks, diamonds in the rough, beautiful seasonal scenery, which yields wonderful memories, and amazing photography. One piece of advice: Don’t skimp on the photography!

Clever Bumblebee gourds

Any predictions for Detroit wedding trends in 2013?
More and more couples are becoming aware of the uniqueness and value of having a wedding in the city proper. I see that “trend,” if you will, becoming more apparent. Most couples getting married today are excited about bringing a historical twist to their event, be it an old family church, a favorite place to hang out, or something unique about the city to show their guests. Detroit has so much to offer in that sense. We have it all in the palm of our hand. For many couples, having a wedding in one of Detroit’s historic areas brings community and family back together to embrace the values of knowing your history and your families’ humble beginnings.

If you could give one piece of advice to Detroit brides & grooms who are just starting out in the wedding planning process, what would it be?
My advice to all my couples is to remember that your wedding is about you and sharing your interests and lives with your family and friends! This ties in to another “trend” in wedding planning: Most of my couples are in the position of paying for their own wedding. There are very few parental “handouts” anymore. Not that they shouldn’t have an influence on your day, but there are ways to incorporate both the old and the new. In fact, I encourage it! So this is your chance to throw the biggest party of your lives to date. I encourage you to share your families’ interests in subtle ways, and make you day uniquely yours. Your wedding day is a day that will be talked about for years to come.

Thank you, Lynn!

Readers: Any aspiring wedding planners out there? What do you love most about planning and design?